in between the lines there's a lot of obscurity

I don’t want to move on from you. I still need you in my life. I can’t just throw away six months. But I can throw away five of them….

• Heres the deal

1. I still need you to encourage me
2. I still need to tell you everything
3. I still need to be your best friend
4. I still need a spiritual influence like you in my life
5. I still need you to hug me and tell me it’s gonna be okay
6. I still need you to tell me you love me (not like that.)
7. I still need you to say nice things
8. I still need to hang out with you
9. I still need you to pray for me
10. I still need you to think I’m amazing
11. I still need you to text me everyday. Like we do now, within reason.
12. I need you to learn from this
13. I need you to learn how to be a boyfriend.
14. I need you to keep in mind that God might just bring us together
15. I need you to keep in mind that God might not bring us together
16. I need you to be there for me when I need you
17. I need you to kill any guys that hurt me
18. I need you to not hate me or talk bad about me
19. I need you to understand why this kills me
20. I need you to think about what you say before you say it
21. I need you to not talk to me about girls for a long time
22. I need you to grow up.

• My turn.

1. I will encourage you.
2. I will tell you everything.
3. I will be your best friend.
4. I will be a godly influence in your life.
5. I will hug you and tell you everything is okay.
6. I will always love you. NOT like your sister. Like your best friend.
7. I will say nice things to you. I still think you’re the cutest boy I’ve ever seen.
8. I will hang out with you.
9. I will pray for you.
10. I will always think that you are amazing. Right now you are the most amazing guy that I know.
11. I will text you every day. Within reason.
12. I will learn from this.
13. I will learn how to not need a boyfriend.
14. I will keep in mind that God might just bring us together.
15. I will keep in mind that God might not bring us together.
16. I will be there for you WHENEVER you need me.
17. I will kill anyone who hurts you.
18. I will not hate you.
19. I will try not to let this kill me.
20. I will think about what I say before I say it.
21. I will not talk to you about boys for a long time.
22. I will get stronger.

That’s it.

imgonnaletyoufinishbut:

Kinda hungry. Nom nom nom.

my little brother really enjoys this.

deprivationoffocus:

if it weren’t for you, i wouldn’t have anyone to::

-tell secrets to that i’m not suppose to just because i know you need to hear it

-to talk to in ap bio

-steal a guys phone number so that if he did something that would make me want to kill him, i could call and yell at him for you

-talk to about their mother

-invade me on snow days with their family, but the truth is i feel bad that i didnt invite you in the first place

-trust with my whole entire life

-tell the breaking news that i truly cant tell anyone else

-talk about the guys in our lives in a true way

-laugh with you by just saying one word, or even saying nothing

-censor pictures in our books just because its gross

-talk about the weird stuff in a very serious manner

-eat pez with and watch crazy movies all night

-brag to when NC State beats UNC

and

-who i was willing to completely and totally help you whenever you need it

Kelsey,

i love you so much and am here for you whenever you need me. you are my best friend and i will do anything you need, you are one of the best parts of my life, infinite x’s and o’s

ashley waugaman i love you. welcome to tumblrtown.

thanks for saving me today.

I’ve become miserably discontent with my life.

For example…

1. My friends.
2. My….Zach
3. School
4. Sports
5. My appearance

Everything.

I’ve been struggling to figure out what’s going on. Was I doing something wrong? Is there something in my life that shouldn’t be there?

What’s wrong with me??

I was standing on the volleyball court being angry at myself for missing a pass today, thinking about what grades I made today, worrying about….something I can’t type here, thinking about everything basically.

And I just said….God help.

I’ve been asking that for a while now and I don’t know why He just decided go jump right on it during the middle of my practice, but it all became clear to me at that moment…

I have an idol. A big one. It’s perfection.

I tell myself that I am “discontent in adequation” and that means “I do not want to be average” but recently it’s gotten out of hand and I’ve been striving for perfection. I am not perfect. I am not even close. I never ever will be perfect. It’s a vicious cycle of failure and disappointment on that road.

This problem is all because of jealousy and my own selfish desire to be better than everyone else.

I’ve also found myself trying to fix my own problems and that’s really not something that I can do, being all human and not in control of the universe and such.

So guys I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say I’m going to change.

This is really a suckish problem because I can’t be held accountable. Nobody can see this inside my heart.

This is a challenge and I enjoy challenges now and again.

So I say….well I would say bring it on but it has already been brought on.

So. Peace to you all.

<3

But I will never tell him that.

Zach got into App today.

Kelsey…..is re-enrolled at the same school she has gone to for five years.
Same town
Same house
Same friends

I’ve been bracing myself for this day since I met him on July 31st, 2009.

I’ve battled this every single day since then. Every  single one. I’m not kidding.

Whenever someone brings it up, I always shake it off.
“God’s got a plan.”
But we have to put in our fair share too!!
It’s like that story of the guy who was drowning in the middle of the ocean and God told him he was going to save him. A boat came up to rescue him and the guy said “NO!! God’s gonna save me!” The boat left. Another boat came. “No no no! God will save me! Go away!” That boat left too. A third boat came. “NO! STOP TRYING TO SAVE ME! God will!!!” He died. When he got to heaven, he said, “GOD WHY DIDN’T YOU SAVE ME?!?!?” And God said, “I sent you three boats.”
Moral -God has a plan but it’s not gonna be played out through you if you sit around doing nothing. You have to act on it. You have to come and see me when I haven’t seen you in a month. You can’t just chill out in Boone like “AYY it’ll be cool! God’s got this covered! I don’t have to do anything!!”

Today it hit me that this is really happening.

That in August he is moving 184.02 miles,
(that’s 3 hours and 11 minutes) away.

Three hours isn’t so bad….

Meredith: I know someone who goes there and he comes home every weekend.
Julia: Once a month you will see him. Or you break up with him. Or I kill him.
McKinley: We will drive down together to see him!! He will love it!! His two favorite girls!!
Zach: I’ll get to see you every holiday that I’m not with my parents!!!!!!:) :) :)

I spent most of today getting sympathy…

AWW KELSEY I’M SO SORRY THAT IS TERRIBLE IT SUCKS LET ME HUG YOU AND PRETEND THAT WILL MAKE IT BETTER.

Cool. Yeah. Cool.

Zach I know you never read this but in spirit I just need to tell you to please please put up an effort to see me.

Also during these last eight months in the same area code. You could do that too. Yes. Please?

I’m out for tonight. I’m way too stressed for this……..ahhhhh

It’ll work out it’ll work out it’ll work out.

(Heart.)